End of term

This term has now come to an end, and I really feel I have nothing to show for it at all which makes me angry at myself. I feel like I'm in this rut and the more I get in, it feels the more I can get out of. I think over the easter holidays I just need to go ahead and make things for now, things that have nothing to do with anything really and see where that takes me, perhaps some random sculptures which could then be used for props or something, I'm not really sure. Of the few bits of work I have made this term, I am really not sure about any of them. The charity shop piece was ok, but It just seemed to reach a natural death, where I felt I couldn't take it any further. Perhaps really this needs to be revisited. I also think a lot of the problem with my working this term was my lack of reflection, last term I reflected a lot more frequently and this is something I really must do again. This term I was much less emotionally invested in the work and was to distracted by other things, so I need to find a way to focus again and get back into a routine, I only have myself to blame for all of this. The practice workshop week was a really great turning point but after that I was quite thrown off, having found a lot of my old stuff from when I was younger as I used to write 'songs', write plays and make videos about lots of things. These felt to me so important and I knew I had to use them but I have had so much trouble working out how. Again I think a lot of it comes from issues I had last term (but seemed to get over) surrounding the issue of just making work. I faff about to much over the ideas and thoughts and get too distracted in my own head rather than just going and MAKING something. MAKE MAKE MAKE MAKE MAKE DO IT MAKE SOMETHING YOU FOOOL.
I don't really deserve an easter break as I haven't done enough, so when I go back to Brighton I'm going to jump straight into work, and use some friends for performance stuff. I must stop saying I'm going to do stuff and instead just do stuff.

My ideas surrounding the old material I've found are very stuck in obvious things and this really frustrates me as, but I think this is also a part of the problem, I'm too scared to make something that is bad or really obvious so I just don't do it at all, and instead hope that I can get it away from being that simply by developing it in my head, which really isn't going to work. I need to not be afraid for it be to rubbish, as this is the only way it can get better.